Figuring Myself Out

I’ve struggled quite a bit with figuring out who I am in the past. I obviously know I’m Brisa Ramirez, Hispanic daughter and sister who was born in California. These are all labels that I can easily apply to myself, but these are labels that have been given to me. There’s nothing I could do to change these things about myself. It’s not that I want to change them, either.

It’s been easy for me to figure out the facts about myself. I’m about 5’3” with black hair and brown skin. I have scars all over my body because I grew up with skin problems. These are facts.

The details about myself that I could change or make up along the way are a little more difficult, though. I’ve had a hard time most of my life identifying what kind of person I want to be. I’ve been unsure of almost any opinion I’ve ever had, I’ve questioned my taste in music, movies, etc. and I’ve even had a hard time figuring out how I want to dress.

What I’ve been learning about myself more recently is that I place way too much value on what other people think. I’ve always sort of known this, but now I’m really starting to realize it’s true.

I share this with you because I wonder if I’m not the only one who deals with this. In an effort to please or impress family or friends, I seem to have forgotten to figure myself out. I’m working on learning to be myself fearlessly and daily.

What I’ve found so far? I like simplicity. That’s why I’m working on becoming a minimalist. I’m not the sort of person that can deal with clutter, and there are certain items I’ve held onto simply out of guilt or because I thought for some reason it was what I was supposed to do. Through this process I’ve also realized I was dressing a certain way because I felt it was what was expected of me. I would try to balance my wants with those of others and would end up wearing outfits I didn’t actually like a lot of times.

I’ve also realized that creativity is a huge part of who I am. I’ve always known I enjoy being creative, but now I’m realizing that this creativity is what has kept me going through some of the more difficult times in my life. Even if I don’t think I’m very good at painting, I love doing it and displaying the finished product. I also love pursuing new creative endeavors, even if I end up finding out that I’m not very good at some of them.

I’m learning more about myself every day. The hard part is eliminating what everyone else will think about my decisions, interests, and opinions and focusing purely on what I want. It’s a journey, but I know it’s an important one. The more I decide about myself, the happier I become.

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