A Moment of Honesty

If I’m being totally honest, I’ve been avoiding writing for a while now. It’s not that I don’t want to or that I hate the act of writing. I actually quite enjoy it most of the time. Nothing makes me feel more honest than typing out or writing out what I’m thinking, feeling, or what I believe in.

But the truth is that lately I haven’t been entirely sure what to write about. Because I haven’t entirely been sure of what I’m feeling or thinking. I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself, which is good. I’ve also been wasting a lot of time, which isn’t quite so good. I feel really lost these days, and I’m not entirely sure how to explain it.

I guess the best thing I can say is that I’m trying. I’m trying really hard to dig myself out of this hole. And I honestly feel like I’m succeeding. There haven’t been many times in the past few years where I’ve felt this stress-free. I think that’s part of what freaks me out about becoming an adult. The moment I have to start paying all my bills and taking care of my own place… I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I have a feeling that’s still quite a long way off, but it still completely freaks me out.

College was a really stressful time for me, for multiple reasons. It wasn’t just that the classes were stressful or that work was keeping me busy outside of that. Aside from those two things, there often seemed to be other stressors that would put me in a dark place or tear me down, even if it was temporary.

I hardly ever recognize a problem until it’s over. Lately, I’ve been trying to recognize my problems while they’re still around and to face them head-on. It’s surprisingly harder than it sounds.

Facing problems means being honest with yourself. It means recognizing your own weaknesses, and sometimes it even means seeking help because of those weaknesses. I’m trying to learn to be better about this.
Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Struggles don’t need to be handled alone. And it’s okay to be honestly about your problems, your struggles, or your fears. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to share everything about yourself. You can choose not to disclose information if you’re not ready. However, if it’s an area in which you need some guidance, it won’t hurt to find someone you trust and to talk it out.

I guess I’m writing all of this because these are the things I’ve been dealing with lately. I’ve been dealing with trust and with talking about my own fears and dreams. I’ve been trying to figure out what my next step is and how I’m going to reach my goals.

I’m not entirely sure if anything I’m writing right now is making any sense. I think I’m in a better place mentally than I’m describing right now.

I guess my point is that despite having certain fears or uncertainties, I’m trying. And I hope you are too.

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