Attempting to Explain My Mental State

On the outside, my life might look great. I’ve been travelling, I have a good group of friends, and I have a job only a few months after being done with school. But looks can be deceiving. Sure, all these facts about my life are still accurate, but there is a lot more than that going on in my head.

If you look at my Instagram account, you’ll notice I have a pretty well rounded social circle. I don’t post something every time I hang out with people, but I post often enough that it’s clear I have friends and I hang out with them. Sometimes I travel, and I’ll pretty much always post about that. Just in the past year I’ve been to California, Nebraska, Kansas, and just last week I was down in Austin for a day.

Not too long after graduating I got a part-time job that’s related to what I studied in college. Since I still live with my parents and since I graduated early, that’s been a solid enough job, at least for the time being. I lived with my parents all through college, which meant my financial burden was lower than that of many of my friends.

I’m not telling you all of these details to brag about my life, but rather to demonstrate how blessed I’ve been. And I do mean it when I say that I’m happy with my life – but I’m also unhappy a lot of the time.

See, I’ve struggled with minor to clinical depression and anxiety for a good chunk of my life now, on and off. I couldn’t really explain why. Sure, I could blame it on a family tragedy or on the stress college put on me, but I remember being in a dark mental state before any of that happened.

The way I understand it, there are a lot of reasons people have depression, and in some situations it’s because something is somewhat off or unbalanced in a person’s brain. Maybe that’s what’s been going on with me all these years.

I started taking medicine for my depression and anxiety about two weeks ago for the first time in my life. It’s helped a little, but the medicine also makes me pretty drowsy some days. The doctor said it would be a slow process before it really has a full effect. I’m not even taking that high of a dosage, which is perfectly fine with me. Sure, I’m struggling, but my depression and anxiety are somewhat minor at this point. They’re both still serious enough for me to

Writing about this issue is literally making my hands tremble because it’s such a personal topic. I’m not doing this to receive attention. I’m doing this so you know that if you’re struggling you’re not the only one. And I also want you to be aware that the people around you might be going through a lot more than you realize or than they’ll reveal on the surface. It’s important to dig deeper and to be deeper with the people you care about and care about you.

I mean, this isn’t exactly something I talk about to people I’ve just met or barely know. This is actually a pretty private topic that I hardly ever bring up. But I do have bad days, and I also have really good days. It helps to have friends and to talk – about anything and everything – when I need to. And sometimes it helps to just sit in silence.

If you’re going through a hard time, talk to someone. It might be scary, but it’s so important to be honest.

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