A Little Torn Up Inside (But Already Healing)

Needless to say, this isn’t how I expected to end my time in college.

Today, I’m getting surgery to repair the two torn ligaments in my right ankle. A couple years back, while I was working at summer camp, I sprained my ankle, and I didn’t rest enough for it to heal. I had torn two ligaments, and I should have been on crutches a lot longer than I actually was. If I had been, the ligaments would’ve healed on their own and none of this would even be an issue now.

The way it happened might have played a factor in making the injury seem pretty minor. I thought I was just healing slowly – thought maybe I was weaker than the average person and that was why the pain wouldn’t go away.

There were certain people who implied on more than one occasion that I was using my injury to get attention. While I walked slowly because that was the best I could do and while I took painkillers that made me feel sleepy during long workdays, people were starting to think I was faking it. That hurt more than anything else.

Now, in the last month of my time in college, I’m going to be on crutches, and then in a boot. You can trust me when I say I’m not faking it and when I say I’m not doing this to get attention or to get out of doing something. I’m in college. I still have to do all my homework, finish projects and write papers.

Honestly, I’ve been really private about this whole thing – or I had been until last night. I just hate having to answer questions about what happened to me or why I’m on crutches. I hate that I’ll have to depend on people for a lot of things I’d normally do on my own over the next few weeks.

So this is definitely not the ideal situation. If it were up to me, I would go back in time and make sure I didn’t hurt myself at all in the first place. Surgery is expensive and inconvenient. I never hoped or wished for this.

But you know what? It’s going to be okay. Because despite the inconvenience of it all, I’m glad the surgery is happening. I’m finally going to be able to heal properly. Finding out that something was actually wrong was such a bittersweet moment for me because at least there was a reason for my pain and at least this meant there was a way to fix it.

Would I go back and change things if I could? Honestly, yes. But there were actually a lot of great memories that came from having a sprained ankle. I was able to become closer to some people because of it. I was able to form some great memories because of it. So yes, I might be in pain, but it’s getting fixed. Pretty soon, it’ll be as if nothing bad ever happened.

Bad things happen. We get hurt. The pain persists. And eventually we heal. That’s just the way life works sometimes. The most we can do is regroup and get back up every time we fall down.

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